The Reflection.

I've thought about writing a thousand different entries. Ones describing how I'm feeling lately. Ones talking about how maybe I haven't been so faithful following the the list of things I want to accomplish. Ones talking about anything and everything, about growing up, insecurities and why sometimes I just don't want to write at all.

But I was looking at a friends blog the other day and it dawned on me: My blog doesn't have to be an account of things I do or don't do. It can just be about me, the things I love and those things I don't like very much. Her blog was centered around photography because that is who she is. So, I've decided to think differently about blogging and why I'm even throwing my thoughts into cyberspace at all.

I love music. I know a lot of people love music but music is more then just words and melodies. It's the way God and I communicate. So despite what you might think about music (categories, labels, etc.) I see God in most every song.

And how good is Adele? Kudos must go to her new CD. I can't get this song out of my head:

The Way it has Been.

What kills motivation the fastest?

Sickness.

Being sick has put a little damper on my exercising, especially because every time I moved I felt like throwing up.  Still don't feel quite like myself but that may be because we stayed up late last night and I'm bone tired.

One thing I am having trouble with is finding time to play piano. Maybe I should be a little more honest and admit that I haven't even tried yet. Wait, I did once, for only 10 minutes and then I was done. I'm worried. I feel like I'm losing interest in the things I love: music and just generally being creative. I use to paint more. I haven't touched my art supplies since we moved eight months ago. I want to, I do. I just, don't. Is this the time in life where you end up just not doing the things you love anymore and just shrug it off as "growing up"? It could be that I'm just lazy, or that I actually have no talent for any of it, or... I just need to try harder.

In any case, I'm trying out my new breadmaker and I hope in a few hours I can drown my sorrows in warm, buttery-bread goodness.

The Search for Inner Motivation.

This morning I had thoughts about getting up early and working out (working out = wii fit) but upon waking I discovered I was still tired so I postponed my efforts till before bed. This might seem strange and some might consider it procrastination but I assure you, my motivation is pure. I even just told my husband about it because I know he will in the very least remind me about it later.

This is the terrible part about having goals and lists. The very moment you make them, you start to want to avoid them. They rattle around in your brain and pop up just as you are about to enjoy that seventh chocolate-y goodness square of a Caramilk bar, reminding you that you were only going to have one. Sheesh. All they do is nag at you and nag at you until... well, until you either actually start doing what you said you were going to do or scrap it all and eat an entire tub of ice cream. The worst part about it, is that you can't blame anyone else because that voice nagging you is you. And despite all of our efforts (see facebook, tv, and other distractions) we can never hide from ourselves.

The ice cream tub is a tattle-tale.

The First.

So, I'm new at this. Relatively new, at least. I've tried blogging before and I never quite got into it. I'm not sure what will be so different now but I'm going to give it the "old college try."

I do not really like the idea of New Year's Resolutions. I believe that if you really want to change, you can apply yourself at any time. You do not need to wait for the starting of a new year. However, there are some changes I would like to make in my life right now, some goals I would like to achieve, and they so happen to be changes I would like to implement now. Now, just happens to be the starting of a new year but it is the night before New Years Eve, so I'm okay. These are goals that I would like to achieve in the next year:

1) Grow a garden.
2) Get better at the piano.
3) Get fit and have fun.
4) Grow my hair out.
5) Go to BC, hopefully this summer!

I've settled on these five because they are attainable and attainable all throughout the year. So, if I have too much chocolate next week, I can still get fit and have fun, hopefully without guilt. So, I'm throwing my goals out there, into the giant web of cyber space, with the idea that this will keep me accountable.

Good luck.